1. In The Dark I See —Lights
2. A Drop In The Ocean —Ron Pope
3. White Horse —Taylor Swift
4. U.N.I. —Ed Sheeran
5. Oblivion —Bastille
6. White Blank Page —Mumford & Sons
7. I Can’t Fall Asleep —The Antivillains
8. Blame It On The Rain —He Is We
9. Bad Religion —Frank Ocean
10. Skinny Love (Cover) —Birdy
11. Flaws (Acoustic) —Bastille
12. Don’t Go —Bring Me The Horizon (feat. Lights)
13. Wrecking Ball (Acapella) —Miley Cyrus
14. If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask —Mayday Parade
15. Shake It Out —Florence And The Machine
1. In The Dark I See —Lights
We had sort of had an agreement that we would break up in the fall when we both go off to college. That is why it was so shocking that he would break up with me now.
Apparently, he believes that I would be just as broken up come fall, so he wants to use this summer to “really become friends.” But that’s not how I’m viewing this at all. Sure, I would’ve been sad for it to end in the fall, but I also would’ve had an entire summer of memories with him, and plenty of time to prepare myself.
The issue that I’m running into now is that I feel cheated. I wanted to have one last summer with him. And now I won’t have that.
He says he wants to be friends, but it is extremely hard to be friends with someone who has fucked you over (now for the second time), versus someone who you go your separate ways with when college starts. There’s a big difference there.
Frankly, the way that he tosses me around like my feelings don’t matter is toxic. He said that he knew full well what this would do to me, but that he would rather do it now than in the fall because “we need the summer to fix things.”
No. I have nothing left to give him. I’m worn out. Whatever effort he thinks I’m going to be making to “make this friendship work,” isn’t going to be there because this wasn’t my choice. I don’t want him as just a friend anymore—not after he’s hurt me so badly again. But he made that choice for me, without even talking to me about it.
At school I ended up being that weird girl crying her eyes out in a bathroom stall because I made the mistake of reading The Giving Tree, which always messes me up.
Then I wrote a four page letter for Nate.
Nate had been texting me all afternoon, and I finally snapped and said some things that I probably shouldn’t have, even though they were true. He was making excuses for why he decided to break up with me out of the blue, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I feel bad now, but Kevin said I shouldn’t apologize.
I ended up going to Kevin’s house tonight in order to relax a bit, and I managed to eat half a sandwich and keep most of it down.
Kevin and I watched a movie together and I was glad for him being there for me. He read the letter that I wrote for Nate, and he thinks that I should give it to him.
So that’s been my day.
I can’t wait to escape to sleep.
Thank you. But it just doesn’t feel that way right now.
I can’t sleep or eat. I’m lightheaded, dizzy, and I can’t stop shaking. He ripped me apart. I’m so scared I won’t be able to put myself together again.
I don’t know if I want to bother to put myself together again. Part of me wants to stay broken and just…let myself go entirely.
I didn’t realize this qualified as a “little problem.”
Nate has been a huge part of my life for the past four and a half years.The fact that, without even discussing it with me, he decided to leave me, doesn’t feel like a particularly “little problem” to me. Not at all.